“For He will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help.”
Psalm 72:12 NIV
Seasons of change in life can be so exciting. But if you’re like me, change can often bring with it a real spirit of fear & even insecurity. I thought I had crucified these two emotions in my life (well maybe not crucified them, but certainly minimized them SIGNIFICANTLY). It took a lot of time & prayer & work & it was hard, but I was walking in the victory of knowing these two emotions didn’t control me anymore like they once had.
Fast forward to this season of counseling others & me asking God to grow my compassion, mercy & understanding for the broken-hearted. “Help me to understand your grace on a deeper level.” WOW!!! Not a wise prayer! Because He is faithful and we truly gain these spiritual gifts ONLY from experience. So, I have found myself in new territory. A space in life where all things “black & white” somehow seem much more grey when you ask Him what His love & grace looks like in the “tough cases”. Truth is, I’ve been floundering a little, realizing I “know for sure” much less than I thought. ENTER FEAR & INSECURITY!
Then add in a new, exciting job for my spouse and some major changes in the life of my 16 year daughter in regards to her biological father and his family. Folks let me tell you, my world has flipped upside down in the last two months. The fears & insecurities that have stirred up inside me have been nearly paralyzing at times. I have TRULY not experienced such a storm of spiritual warfare in my life. It’s really been a daily battle to just to keep these horrible spirits from tearing me and my life apart. I’ve questioned myself and my life in ways I thought I never would. I’ve faced fear & insecurity in a physical way that I never have before. It’s humbling & it’s real. The spirits come on strong and battling them in prayer has been a “repeat real” that I’ve spoken over and over.
But I can see His grace & love for me so much clearer from this vantage point! It’s all about Him & finding myself in HIM & believing His love & plan for me is ONLY good. He wants me to have more love & grace & understanding for the broken-hearted because I am her. I am broken & damaged & in need of my savior & His grace.He alone can crucify these evil spirits in my life. Yet, through these tough times, I have learned that I need these lessons from Him because they teach me to keep my eyes on Him & to know that my strength & joy come from Him ALONE! I can not stop negative thoughts and fears from coming into my head, but I can choose to give them to God and not entertain them. God is my defender and in HIM I can place ALL my trust.