Have you ever wondered or asked yourself the question, “Love me…Love me not?” and where it originated from? I know I have. Let me share with you a vulnerable time in my life and the healing journey to hope and freedom I have that set me free. The question of “Love me….Love me not” originated in my heart when I was raped at the age of 7. I didn’t feel safe to tell. Fearing my dad, who was a violent alcoholic, my mom would oftentimes be the object of his wrath. So I decided in my little heart that it was safer for me and everyone else not to tell. Little did I know that a part of me would be stuck in the trauma of that moment hidden from my own heart. Buried in feelings of being abandoned, betrayed and unprotected. My choice of silence and the resulting pain of such a trauma impacted my future choices in life in a huge way. Failed marriages, bumpy relationships with others and an unhealthy fear of God. I used words to build walls, to control environments and situations I felt particularly vulnerable in. There was a “No trespassing” sign over my head. I sealed it with a vow in my little girl heart that I could not and would not rely on anyone, not even God fully.
[click_to_tweet tweet=”An unloving spirit seeks to bring you into agreement with rejection in order to become a part of your identity.” quote=”An unloving spirit seeks to bring you into agreement with rejection in order to become a part of your identity.”]
God never left me…as a loving Father He patiently set up circumstances and people that would bring about the healing I so desperately needed and deeply desired.
REACTIONS | PERCEPTIONS | ACTIONS
As you can see for me, the question of “Love…Love me not” was cloaked in rejection, abandonment and self -protection. What about you? Have you ever asked the question “Love me…Love me not?” from the deep places of your heart? I believe most, if not all, of us have in one season of life or another. [We were created for love and community: when that is missing, it causes many doubts and fears to arise in our hearts]. When we ask the “Love me…Love me not” question in the first place it’s an indication we are stuck in rejection, self- rejection and self-hatred. As stated earlier, the result of trauma and wounds found in relationships that were perceived as once safe, where you loved with you heart fully open. Being driven by fear we are incapable of being vulnerable or transparent. This leaves us without the possibility of having healthy relationships until healing occurs. Some of the unhealthy responses I experienced due to wounding were:
- Being hyper critical of others.
- Anger rooted in all kinds of fears.
- Compromising spirit due to not knowing who we are due to wounds.
- Highly talkative to build walls around your heart.
- Walled off.
- Vows of never going to let anyone in or hurt me again.
- Sickness and diseases begin to attack the body, mind and blocks our spirit from being able to receive the love of God for ourselves. Making it impossible to truly love ourselves or others.
- Retaliation among other things.
HEALING | INTIMACY IS POSSIBLE
Through Crossing2Freedom I made the choice to make this healing journey [it is a journey not a destination in that we will be on this journey until we meet Jesus]. All of the things I was afraid to see or admit were brought to the forefront. God began to heal and restore my heart to love Him, myself and others as Jesus my rescuer did come and deliver me from this deep darkness. The vow was broken. I am free. How about you? Are you ready to be free? I encourage you on your own journey to be brave. There is peace in the freedom and knowing that He, pursues you, is bent on having your whole heart. He is trustworthy.
Jesus states in I John 4:19 “We love because he first loved us.” He deeply loves and desires us. The road isn’t always easy, because it does mean to courageously look at in the light of truth, all that you have been afraid to see. Now I can entrust myself to others and trust Abba to protect and keep my heart and relationships in Christ. This is LOVE! There isn’t a love me not anywhere to be found. He who sets free, is free indeed!
Romans 8:15 “The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again, rather; the Spirit you receive brought about your adoption to sonship. And by Him we cry,“Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.
Abba, I ask that you begin to lead this one on their own healing journey to never have to ask the question, “Love me…Love me not?” ever again. But to fully know they are loved, accepted and known by YOU. Let this truth be their new reality: in that you so loved the us that you provided your Son Jesus as an atonement to restore |heal | deliver us to Yourself and to be all that we were created to be before the foundations of the world. In Jesus name, AMEN!