Blog Posted by Brandy Edenfield
As a mom, I recognize that there is one HUGE area that I seem to continuously fall short in. If you’re like me, you may be thinking “she can narrow it down to just one major area? I feel like I could come up with a list of 20 just off the cuff.” Well, me too, but I can, with certainty say I repetitively fall short in a major area with my kiddos. I make EVERYTHING a life lesson! And, sadly enough my husband does this also. THIS DRIVES OUR KIDS CRAZY!
God gave me the gift of a “counselors heart” so I’m always asking questions like:
- “How do you feel about that?”
- “What could you have done differently?”
- “Where do you think that comes from?”
Brian was blessed with the “heart of a teacher” so he asks questions like:
- “What did you learn from this?”
- “Could a long-term plan have created a different outcome?” Or even simply
- “Did you think this was gonna end well?”
We, as a parent team, are not great at listening to our kids. We are both leader-type personalities so we can dominate our kids with our ideas and plans for them in a way that makes them feel unheard. We want so much for our kids to have an easier life than we had, learn lessons more simply than we did that we try (unintentionally) to rush them to a positive outcome. But don’t we all know that life has the ability to teach us things through experiences that our teachers and parents can’t teach with words?
[click_to_tweet tweet=”My children need to figure some things out for themselves. My job is to guide them not strong-arm them to the result I’m wanting.” quote=”My children need to figure some things out for themselves. My job is to guide them not strong-arm them to the result I’m wanting.” theme=”style6″]
So, we came up with a plan to help our communication. At the beginning of a serious talk, the “listener” will ask “Are you looking for advice or guidance or do you simply want me to listen?” You wouldn’t believe how much this one question can transform communication. It helps the listener to know what hat to put on- coach or counselor. It also helps in the area of self-control because knowing what my loved one needs, means if I choose the opposite, I hurt them intentionally so it helps me to do the right thing. Not always of course! I mess up FOR SURE! But my heart is good in that I long to be better. Brian & I continue to strive to be better each day as parents. And this is a tool we have learned to practice in our marriage as well.
Try this today with your loved ones. Let them tell you what they need from you and practice giving it to them. It will help heal your relationships and also teach you to be a better listener. After all, God gave us two ears but only one mouth – that was purposeful! Listen more than you speak.
[click_to_tweet tweet=”God teaches us this in James 1:19: “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” ” quote=”God teaches us this in James 1:19: “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” ” theme=”style6″]
Bless your day!
Prayer
Father, help me to be a person who is slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to be angry. To show value as you do. Thank you for helping me to grow in this.
In Jesus name. Amen.
Your hearts matter to us!
Christians United Ministries http://www.cumi.live
Counseling: Call 774.567.0771
Office: Call 251.241.9899
