Fruitful Process of Change

Blog by Brandy Edenfield

If you know me well, you know that one of my favorite things in my life are the women that I call friends. It’s not a large group, but each woman is uniquely a large piece of my puzzle called life.

One of the reasons that I value my girlfriends so much is because for a long time I didn’t know that there was any value in a friendship between two women. The truth was, I didn’t trust women. I had had very negative experiences in my youth so I became very jaded in this area.

At 34, I was seeing a counselor (weekly) named Murphy. It was quite an expense for our family budget, but Brian and I both saw value in the work I was doing with Murphy. There was always homework!! EVERY WEEK she gave me homework and because our financial “buy-in” was significant, I completed every homework assignment she gave me. Approximately 10 months into our sessions, Murphy gave me my most difficult assignment. Frankly, I left her office annoyed & questioning her. I wasn’t sure I’d do this homework.

The Process

Let me set the stage for the assignment: God had been doing great healing in my heart over those 10 months. We had confronted so much of my history and reconciled so many things with God and people. He was truly transforming me. This particular Tuesday, as I sat in her office I recognized and spoke out loud my longing for a “girlfriend”. “just one” I told her with tears streaming down my face. She asked me this question, “Do you know any woman currently that you would be interested in having as a real friend?” Immediately I saw a face in my mind. I said “Yes, my old boss Dawn. We have gotten our kids together for play-dates several times over the last few weeks and I really like her. She is kind and doesn’t gossip. She’s happily married and is a good mom.”

Here comes the “homework” assignment: “This week, I want you to write Dawn a letter & ask her to be your friend. And also ask her to teach you how to be a good friend. I want you to sit with her as she reads the letter; have a conversation following it.” Stupefied shock overtook me! “WHAT?!” was the only response I could muster. She repeated the assignment to me. “This is childish Murphy, I’m a grown woman. This is how children do this, not adults.” Her response was a typical Murphy response “Trust the process Brandy.”

Trusting the Process

The following Tuesday morning right before my session with Murphy, I did my assignment and it went beautifully. To this day, 10 years later Dawn is my very best friend. Having her in my life has made way for so many other important friendships with women.

My point it this- healing/recovery is hard work. It requires commitment, courage & vulnerability. It’s uncomfortable & demands you to face hard things. It’s hard work. No one said it would be easy. BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT! Trust the process.

Prayer

Father, I pray that you will help me to engage the process of my own healing and recovery that I can be the friend I desire others to be to me. Thank you for those you have sent my way in the process, those ones who stick closer than a brother come rain or shine on our journey together with you.