Recently, I was led to take a retreat from everything. The only things I had were a book, my journal and my IPAD for music,
Early one morning as the sun was peeking between the tree branches into the tiny house I pondered over a book I read by Loren Cunningham, Is that Really You, God? This is a book about hearing God as you pioneer a ministry and as you move in the everyday of life with Him. I felt the Lord was re-digging some wells from the past and reminding me of my ultimate calling to love God and love others as myself. To love God in my every day keeping Him my center focus and reason for every purpose. To love others in the meeting of the practical needs and by sharing the gospel. Obedience and remembering we don’t do things for God but we have the privilege of dying to self and allowing God to move through us. He becoming the message of His love and grace through our yes.
The tiny house had no window treatments to block the view from the outside. This made it perfect in every way. However, now I have to insert here at first this was a show stopper for me, being a private person, I like curtains on my windows, also somewhere along the way I had developed an irrational fear of the woods. This was a very stretching retreat on many levels.
Abba gently guided my steps and encouraged me to take this journey with HIM, I soon forgot the window treatments and the woods all together. I was focused on something more important. I realized there was so much I was taking for granted. As I took in the beauty of this place I realized I had forgotten some very important things and people in my life. Not intentionally but through busyness and the hectic of the day to day. I was running from the life I BUILT. While God was bringing me back to the simplicity of my yes to Him and the simplicity of ministry from that place. I had lost some principles that were really important to me along the way.
I enjoy serving others. However, as of late I felt it a necessary have to instead of a get to. I felt the tiredness and crankiness. I haven’t been a warm cuddly person to be around. I didn’t like this. I love to bring joy and peace, not chaos. I value people and the ministry I get to do, but now they were wearing me out (I am a Certified Prayer Minister with Christians United Ministries). I knew something had to give. I love the people God brings to me and love my family, they are important to me but found the phone calls or reaching out was less and less on my part. THIS WAS DEFINITELY NOT OK. I needed to hear the Lord and follow Him in making the adjustments I needed to make. Some would say why follow the Lord in this, make the adjustments and get on with it. Well the problem with that is I am still on the throne of my life and He becomes on the sidelines, which is one of the problems pointed out in the book. He wants to be on the throne of my life. If He DELIGHTS in me and DESIRES me, why would HE not care about these details of my life. SURRENDER. There you have it. SURRENDER and yielding to Holy Spirit’s leading was the only path back to the life I really want. He keeps the important people and things important and helps to weed out the less important, by removing self from the equation. I am still on this journey. I would love to say I have hit my stride that I am fully where I want to be, I would be lying. I am still in process. But I am not running from the life He is building in me and through me. HIS LIFE. It’s the best life. He cares about family ties, He cares about rest and working hard. He cares period. I love Jesus with all of my heart. He calls me friend and loves me through the struggle. Because at the end of the day after all that I had re-awakened…I am HIS and I am on HIS mission.
I end here…knowing the journey continues. By the way another level of deep soul healing happened. I was delivered from my fears and myself. A refreshing from the Lord. There isn’t a finish line but a continuation of what was began will be continued…so there you have it…to be continued. – Twila